Wednesday, September 09, 2009
I am sitting in some rare and treasured quiet with no one needing me. I am listening to Buddy Miller, a nice old-school twangy waltzy album. I did not do so well today. I was irritable and short-fused and crazy-faced. A "gentle and quiet" spirit was nowhere to be found. I am wondering if I should get an English/Creative Writing degree and teach high school or college English. Maybe I should start now. Maybe it will keep my head from dying. From withering away into a hard, dry knot inside my skull. And maybe it is the way I can get my kids into the school I want them to go to. And maybe it is a way I can help my family. And I miss learning and words and books and school and ideas. I can't seem to shift gears on a dime to create visually. But I can fit in words edgewise out of the tiny-people world. This is end of the summer is working its way into my spirit giving me wanderlust and a panic for change and the burning zeal to "DO" "MAKE" "SAY" -- and yet I cannot do those things right now. I am not sure how to release the pressure off this shut valve. I need to do something. Now.