Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Yellow Wallpaper

I am sitting in some rare and treasured quiet with no one needing me. I am listening to Buddy Miller, a nice old-school twangy waltzy album. I did not do so well today. I was irritable and short-fused and crazy-faced. A "gentle and quiet" spirit was nowhere to be found. I am wondering if I should get an English/Creative Writing degree and teach high school or college English. Maybe I should start now. Maybe it will keep my head from dying. From withering away into a hard, dry knot inside my skull. And maybe it is the way I can get my kids into the school I want them to go to. And maybe it is a way I can help my family. And I miss learning and words and books and school and ideas. I can't seem to shift gears on a dime to create visually. But I can fit in words edgewise out of the tiny-people world. This is end of the summer is working its way into my spirit giving me wanderlust and a panic for change and the burning zeal to "DO" "MAKE" "SAY" -- and yet I cannot do those things right now. I am not sure how to release the pressure off this shut valve. I need to do something. Now.


imsaved59 said...

Dear Sara,
Just Rick hear.Excuse my spelling and grammer because i'm not much in that aspect.I hear you have been pretty down lately and i don't know all the details but i read your blog today and i felt it in your words.
I don't have the answers you are looking for but GOD does and i hope you are turning to HIM for them.You have so many blessings in your life to be thankful for.
When you wake every day with your family and a home and a income when so many in these tough times do not.
Stop and look and listen to what the HOLY SPIRIT is trying to tell you and maybe things will get easier.
GOD is there,but i know you already know that to but Satan has a way of working on our weak spots.
Believe me I KNOW!i have been to the lowest of lows and CHRIST pulled me through.
Look to the WORD and Pray and Listen and Look and i am sure the LORD will give you the strength you need if you only ask.
I will earnestly keep you in my prayers. YBIC Rick Miller

Elizabeth said...

I can't help but think that our conversation the other night in the backyard was the trolling motor that stirred up these muddy waters, for which I am NOT sorry. I am so happy to share be able to share those authentic worries, wonders, and anxieties with friends like you both. Know 2 things:
-We will do everything in our power and beyond to keep your brain from shriveling up. We love your brain.
-We will pray, even as we pray for it ourselves, for a clarity of direction and leading that astounds you with its translucence.
We love you. -liz & eric

Elizabeth said...
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