Too Much. Not Enough.

"Too much. Not enough." For many years this is what I wanted on my tombstone. I always feel that life is just too much for me to assimilate; too much to navigate through. And yet I never felt satisfied -- always hungry to know more, understand more, be more, do more, see more...feel more...And now I am in a new part of my life, with a satisfying marriage to my best friend and three little people in my care...a yard and a house in a busy city...and not enough time to think or read or write or sort through or "do" the things I want to do for them or with them. And I want so very many things -- spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, materially -- I am just not content. I'm not. And I am not surprised. Not at all. I am a restlessly discontent person. God calls us to a place of rest in Him. A place of quiet and trust. Yet we are to be diligent in an ever-increasing pursuit of up-rightness and gladness and thankfulness and love-fullness. All the fruit that comes from the Spirit dwelling in us. Abide in Him and we will bear fruit. Abiding is a quiet, resting thing. But then Paul says pursue it with all diligence and to fight the fight -- beating ourselves into a fervent full-tilt thrash to the finish line -- finish strong, finish well. And, that, of course, is not restful, not passive. But rest doesn't have to be passive. In fact, I think I remember God teaching me once that contentment is not stagnancy: Contentment does not mean you don't try to keep the living room neat, tidy, in good repair. Contentment does not mean you don't try to know your husband better or find more and better ways to help him, please him, or enjoy time with him. I bet contentment doesn't even mean that you don't save up or plan to get the crappy windows replaced in the front of your house or conquer and eke out a garden from your weedy sideyard. It just means that you do it all with thankfulness. That you do it looking at Christ your King and Treasure and Fullness. That you keep that glad smile and patient excitement about whatever is right now and whatever will be tomorrow or next year. Whether it means the couch is shabbier or that you still have 57 books you would love to read but haven't been able to or a growing and neglected notebook of creative projects fruitlessly calling to you from the shelf. It is O. K. Right now I am here. Right now Christ knows and understands whatever is hard about the good things he has given me. He understands and He "gets it" while not letting me grow bitter or useless or dull or yucky inside. He will make me into what I am meant to be. He will use me for good in the lives of these 4 men that I love so furiously. He will not allow me to ruin or waste this good good good life that He has handed to me. He is faithful to not leave me to my own horribleness. Hallelujah. Amen.

If you have time to read something that helped me very much today: I found Nancy Wilson's blog today and read this entry on Contentment:
http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2009/06/19/what-is-the-way-to-contentment/

Iowa State Fair

Two weekends ago we headed down to Des Moines to celebrate my mom and Brad's dad's birthdays -- They turn the same age one day apart. Brad's dad was singing in the Iowa State Fair with his men's choral group and my mom and dad came over from Dubuque to visit for the morning. We met for breakfast Friday morning at Kara's (Brad's sister) coffee shop in Altoona. Brad's grandma Trellis also met us there.

Lincoln & Trellis

Kara & my Mom

My Dad & Tom

After breakfast we went over to really nice new playground.

My dad reading Atticus a book before naptime...

Later at the Iowas State Fair...Aunt Kay holding Lincoln

Trellis, Grandma Nancy & Atticus waiting for Grandpa Tom to start singing

Cousins Marcia & Logan on the other side of Brad...

The singing group -- Tom to the right of the director

Grandpa Tom & Lincoln hot in the art building

I should have more pictures but as happened, Brad, myself and the two older boys all got sick...so we spent a lot of time up with them at night and a lot of time during the day trying to repair and catch up on sleep...It was good to have help while both of us parents were so sick...ahhh...Thank you, Tom & Nancy!

Mr.Brunner

These entries are chronologically out of order, but nonetheless: This is me with my college friend Robert Brunner. We kinda lost contact for a few years and recently re-connected on facebook -- Bob's been teaching ESL in Korea the last few years. Bob went to our blog and -- seriously and unexaggeratedly -- read the entire thing from the first week when Atticus had just entered the scene. So anyway, Brad and I had told him he should stop by sometime and meet Brad and the boys, thinking some day he might be back in the states. Well, lo and behold, he was back this month visiting family in friends in Freeport, IL and Milwaukee, WI. He took a plane ride up here and spent Monday with us -- met Brad, hung out with me, Bekah, and the boys. It could have been weird, but my friend was just as easy-going, cheerful, polite, and "game" as I remembered him. Brad said he would have gladly had a beer with him and talked baseball and politics even if he wasn't my friend.
And I loved that when we dropped Bob off at the airport Monday evening, he simply shook Brad's hand and said, "Thank you for marrying my friend. You have made her very very happy." Wasn't that just perfect (-: Thank you for coming all the way over and up here to meet my family, Robert!

This is Robert explaining one of the two poses Koreans like to use when having their pictures taken.

Here we are demonstrating it.
(It's supposed to be a heart, in case you couldn't tell (-:)

Wind Toad

So, a few days ago I had all three boys asleep. I was laying awake in my bed with Atticus asleep next to me...raining hard outside...just thinking and praying. All of a sudden, the wind picked up like crazy, and then raised to an unbelievable roar. I got up to shut the windows, looked through the blinds and saw the neighbor's giant maple tree leaning at nearly level with the ground. I thought, "That can't be good." All I really thought was maybe I should get the kids away from windows and maybe to the basement. Suddenly, the wind, the noise was worse -- the house was shaking -- I scooped Lincoln up out of the Pak'n'Play, Atticus up from the bed, and ran into the boys' room and grabbed Dietrich -- running down the stairs with all three dangling in my arms as rain and wind rattled the house. By the time we reached the basement stairs, whatever was happening had stopped, just rain. I wasn't sure what to do. No electricity. No phone. All the cars on the street outside (a main, main, busy-all-day 3-lane street) were pulled over to the sides. I walked back up to our room and lay down with the three boys. Miraculously, Dietrich and Lincoln fell back to sleep while Atticus nervously figeted beside me. Eventually, Atticus and I crept out of the room and went downstairs to investigate. We grabbed an umbrella and stepped outside. Giant trees had fallen out into the streets across all three lanes of traffic. Nothing was getting through them. Rescue vehicles started showing up. A city truck pulled in front of our house. I asked him what had happened, what we should do. He said he wasn't sure -- then, warning sirens started going off and he said maybe we should go back inside. Later I talked with our neighbors to the south -- they said they'd talked to a police officer and found out that a Tornado had come out of nowhere and went down our street. I had 5 minutes left on our tract phone. I called Brad. I said, "Hi. We're okay, but a tornado just went down our street."
Brad: "A what?"
Me: "A Tornado."
Brad: (silence)
Me: "We're okay. The house is okay. Our van parked on the street is okay. Our fence blew down. We're okay."
Brad: "I'm coming home."
Me: "I don't know if you can get here."
Five minutes later, my sister bursts in the front door, soaking wet, freaked out. She sees Atticus and starts crying and talking like a, well, a tornado. She had taken the bus home from work, downtown and started seeing houses smashed in and roads closed the closer and closer she got to home. The bus had to work its way through all these side streets and finally dropped people off a few blocks from Portland. Bekah ran all the way home.
15 minutes later Brad arrives home.

We spent the night at the Millers -- Thank you!!!! Late the next day the electricity was back on. We've been on walks around our neighborhood. We are so thankful for our home being virtually untouched by the damage. Blocks of Park, Oakland, Portland, and 5th from a few blocks south of us and a few north of us have alot of beautiful trees down, garages and parts of houses and vehicles smashed in. Part of the conference center and large Lutheran church downtown were also damaged. No one was killed -- no one was even injured. And personally, we didn't even lose our food -- thanks to the Millers' refrigerator/freezer. Now we just need to get our fence back up for Victor and the kids. Enjoying our home. Glad none of our neighbors were hurt.

Atticus has learned about tornados and the power of wind. He thought we were saying a Wind Toad came out of the sky. He wondered if other toads would come. Now he is much more knowledgeable. He has asked many questions.

Our fence

Across the street from our house

Julie & Julia

Stanley Tucci & Meryl Streep as Paul & Julia Child in the movie Julie & Julia

Two weeks ago I saw the movie Julie & Julia with my sister and Leah Miller. It was an excellent movie. Good screenplay, as always, Nora Ephron. Meryl Streep was incredible. Amy Adams did well. Okay, so contrary to what some who have known me from youth may think, I really love food. I have some finicky, even paranoid, aversions, but the food I like, I really like. I was reminded of this a couple Sunday evenings ago when Brad and I went out for an unexpected (childless) dinner -- thanks to some embarassingly generous friends of ours, the Lohstreters, who called us up out of the blue, and told us to come drop all three of our children off at their house and go do something together, alone. AND the Lohstreters have three children -- our children's age -- so they babysat 6 children 3 and under for 2 1/2 hours. My goodness. Well, we headed toward Maple Grove -- not familiar with the suburbs up there -- and found a random restaurant, Philly Blue, and went on in. Oh man. It was so so good. GOOD. Ahhh...

Julia Child in her TV kitchen

Anyway, after the movie, I looked up some things about Julia Child and found some fun pictures, a nice biographical write up and some good quotes as well.

The biography from http://www.answers.com/topic/julia-child
Julia Child was born to a well-to-do family in Pasadena, California, on August 15, 1912. Her parents, John and Julia McWilliams, raised Julia, her sister, and her brother in comfort; the family had servants, including a cook, and the children were sent to private schools. The children, all of whom were unusually tall, loved outdoor sports. In 1930 Julia went to Smith College in Massachusetts, where she majored in history. After graduation she took a job as a copywriter for a furniture company in New York City and enjoyed an active social life.

At the outbreak of World War II she joined the Office of Strategic Services, predecessor to the Central Intelligence Agency, seeking adventure in exotic locales. After a stint in Washington she was sent abroad as she had wished, but she worked as a file clerk, not as a spy, and her experience was distinctly unglamorous - she traveled on troop ships, slept on cots, and wore army fatigues. While in Ceylon (now Sri Lanka) in 1943 she met Paul Cushing Child, a member of a distinguished Boston family. Although his particular branch of the family was not rich, he had traveled widely, pursued several careers, and, at 41, was a sophisticated artist working as a cartographer and as the designer of Lord Mountbatten's headquarters. Although she was ten years younger and several inches taller, the two were immediately attracted to each other. He admired her unaffected manner, and she found his affectionate nature and cosmopolitan outlook irresistible. The romance bloomed when both were assigned to China, and it was while there that Child, a noted gourmet, introduced her to cooking.

Although they were in love, Julia and Paul were reluctant to commit to a permanent relationship during wartime. After the war she returned to California, where her conservative Republican father was unenthusiastic about her new beau, who was artistic and a Democrat. She was undeterred, however, and she began to study cooking at a school in Beverly Hills. On September 1, 1946, Julia and Paul were married, and the couple moved to Washington, D.C., where he had taken a position with the Foreign Service.

In 1948 her husband was posted to Paris. Child quickly came to appreciate the French way of life, especially French food. She decided she wanted to learn the intricacies of French cooking and, after studying French at the Berlitz School, enrolled at the famous Cordon Bleu. She made many friends who also were interested in French cuisine, and with two of these, Simone Beck and Louisette Bertholle, she formed a cooking school called L'Ecole des Trois Gourmandes (School of the Three Gourmets).

With Simone Beck, Child began working on a cookbook based on their cooking school experiences, and she continued her writing while she followed her husband on several postings throughout Europe. He retired in 1961, and the Childs settled in a large house with a well-equipped kitchen in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

The year 1961 was a landmark year for the Childs. In addition to her husband's retirement and a major move, Child's book, Mastering the Art of French Cooking, was published. The book, noted for the clarity and completeness of its instructions, its attention to detail and explanation, and its many useful photographs, was an immediate critical and popular success. Child was hailed as an expert and her views and advice were much sought after. She began writing articles on cooking for House and Garden and HouseBeautiful and also had a regular cooking column in the Boston Globe.

In 1963, after an enjoyable appearance on a television panel show in Boston, Child expanded her efforts in television with a weekly 30-minute cooking program, "The French Chef." This proved even more successful than her book: with her admittedly eccentric style, good humor, knowledge, and teaching flair, she became a popular cult figure. Her work was recognized with a Peabody Award in 1965 and an Emmy Award in 1966.

The French Chef Cookbook, a cookbook based on the television series, was published in 1968. Additional television shows, notably "Julia Child and Company" (1978-1979), "Julia Child and More Company" (1980), and "Dinner at Julia's" (1983), were accompanied by well-received cookbooks, and in the 1970s and 1980s Child wrote regular columns for McCalls and Parade magazines and made frequent appearances on "Good Morning America" on ABC. In addition, she was a founder of the American Institute of Wine and Food, an association of restaurants dedicated to the advancement of knowledge about food and wine. In 1989 The Way to Cook, a lengthy cookbook dealing with both basic and advanced subjects, was published, and at age 77 Child happily undertook an extended tour to promote it. She recognized the need for advertisement and frankly enjoyed the attention: "You've got to go out and sell it," she declared. "No sense spending all that time - five years on this one - and hiding your light under a bushel…. Besides, I'm a ham."

Late in 1989 her husband suffered a stroke and had to be moved to a nursing home near Cambridge. She visited daily and called frequently, but found life without her constant companion lonely. Accordingly, she kept busy with a regular exercise routine, lecturing, writing, and working on television programs. She even provided a cartoon voice for a children's video. In 1992 her television show, "Cooking with the Master Chefs," was produced and in 1993 the accompanying cookbook was published. In August 1992, 170 guests paid $100 or more to attend her 80th birthday party (proceeds to the American Institute of Food and Wine). And her place as a gastronomic icon was assured when she became the first woman to be inducted into the Culinary Institute Hall of Fame in October 1993.

Child lost her lifelong friend and career partner when her husband died in 1994. Not long after that she was quoted as saying that she had nothing left to write. Nonetheless the years 1995 and 1996 each brought a new book and TV series combination from the indefatigable Child: In Julia's Kitchen with Master Chefs (1995), and Baking with Julia (1996). In 1997 she celebrated her 85th birthday, once again with a fund raiser for the American Institute of Food and Wine.

Although a staunch advocate of classic French cuisine, Child in the course of her career modified her approach to cookery to reflect contemporary needs and trends, such as developing a repertoire requiring less fat, red meat, and time. Above all, she supported a sensible approach to eating characterized by moderation and including all types of food. She rejected what she called "food fads," which she held responsible for widespread unhealthy attitudes toward eating in the United States. In her work she endeavored consistently and successfully to enhance the public's awareness and appreciation of, and need for, wholesome, skillfully prepared food.

Further Reading

The best single source of biographical information on Julia Child is contained in Mary Ellen Snodgrass' Late Achievers: Famous People Who Succeeded Late in Life (1992). Snodgrass' chapter on Julia Child is well-balanced and well-researched. A brief, breezily-written and appreciative sketch of Julia Child and her career is contained in Gregory Jaynes' "A Holiday Bird and a Free-Range Chat with Julia" (LIFE, December 1989). For a glimpse of the Childs at home, see Charles Grandee, "Grandee at Large: Julia Child - Still Cooking at 76," in House and Garden (June 1989). Julia's relationship with Paul Child is explored in Roberta Wallace Coffey's "Julia and Paul Child" (McCalls, October 1988), which also contains interesting information on Paul's background and career. In an interview, "Eat, Drink, and Be Sensible" (Newsweek, May 27, 1991), Julia Child explains her views on food and the goals of her career.

Young Julia McWilliams in finishing school

Julia McWilliams in middle, bottom row

Julia Child as a student in the Le Cordon Bleu cooking school, Paris, France

Paul & Julia Child

The actual Valentine's card (just like in the movie) they sent out -- a tradition for them.

The red paper hearts -- also real.

Paul & Julia

The quotes:

Julia: "But the first meal I ever cooked for Paul was a bit more ambitious: brains simmered in red wine! ... But the results, alas, were messy to look at and not very good to eat. In fact, the dinner was a disaster. Paul laughed it off, and we scrounged up something else that night."
Source: Julia Child with Alex Prud'homme. My Life in France. 2006. pg. 6.

Julia: "Valentine cards had become a tradition of ours, born of the fact that we could never get ourselves organized in time to send out Christmas cards."
Source: Julia Child with Alex Prud'homme. My Life in France. 2006. pg. 301.

Paul in 1967: "How fortunate we are at this moment in our lives! Each doing what he most wants, in a marvelously adapted place, close to each other, superbly fed and housed, with excellent health, and few interruptions."
Source: Marilyn Mellowes. "Julia Child." PBS.org

Julia about Paul: "Paul took letter writing seriously: he'd set aside time for it, tried to document our day-to-day lives in a journalistic way ..."
Source: Julia Child with Alex Prud'homme. My Life in France. 2006. pg. 8. Compare Prices

Marilyn Mellowes: "... Paul reveled in his wife's success ... He underwent a coronary bypass. During the surgery, he suffered several small strokes. The strokes had affected his brain. He completely lost his French and verbal fluency. "Whatever it is, I will do it," Paul had said. He had acted as her manager, served as her photographer, tested her recipes, proof-read her books, and was content to let the light shine on her, not on him. Now, the man that Julia had counted on for so much would need her support in his struggle to survive."
Source: Marilyn Mellowes. "Julia Child." PBS.org

Julia: "Paul married me in spite of my cooking."
Source: "TV's French chef taught us how to cook with panache." SFGate.com. 8/14/2004.

Laura Jacobs: "Though she called Paul a 'Cordon Bleu widower,' he wasn’t really. 'I would go to school in the morning,' she once said in an interview, 'then for lunch time, I would go home and make love to my husband.'”
Source: Laura Jacobs. "Our Lady of the Kitchen." VanityFair.com. 8/2009.

Laura Shapiro: "Her new career crashed like a meteor into the center of their marriage. New roles sprang up and grabbed them -- she the star and he the support staff -- but they were determined to maintain what Julia called “that lovely intertwining of life, mind, and soul that a good marriage is.” “We are a team,” she often said. “We do everything together ... Whenever she talked about her career, she said “we,” not “I,” and she meant it literally. Paul attended all business meetings and participated in all decisions, helped rework the recipes for television, hauled equipment, washed dishes, took photographs, created designs and graphics, peeled and chopped and stirred, ran errands, read the mail and helped answer it, wrote the dedications in all her books, accompanied her on publicity tours and speaking engagements, sat with her at book signings, took part in most of her press interviews, provided the wine expertise, baked baguette after baguette, and in general made a point of being at her side on all occasions, professional or social. When he wasn’t needed, he disappeared happily into his own world, painting and photographing and gardening ... Every morning they liked to snuggle in bed together for a half hour after the alarm went off, and at the end of the day, Paul would read aloud from the New Yorker while Julia made dinner. “We are never not together,” Paul said once, contentedly.”
Source: Laura Shapiro. "Just a Pinch of Prejudice." from Julia Child. BostonMagazine.com. 2007.

Some More From the Lake

My sister-in-law Kara took some wonderful pictures up at the Lake. The ones of Dietrich from the previous post and all of these are hers. These first four are the boys making Very Hungry Caterpillars into Beautiful Butterflies (-:

My nephew Max

Max & Atticus playing Yahtzee -- Here they are writing down scores.

Grandpa Tom with the Three Older Boys

Kara & Max

Brian & Kara

Nancy & Tom Swinging
(I love this picture -- my favorite one of these two)