Oh dear. It's one in the morning and I haven't been able to fall asleep -- mind wildly racing around trying to sort through moving furniture to fit all of us into our house in the most efficient and lovely manner. Made categorized list of all the things I need and want and dream of doing before our little daughter arrives at the beginning of September. Four months. Not much time really. And then all of it done while physically unable to do as much as I normally can and wanting very very much to love and care for my husband and children and other relationships while getting all of it done.
I keep trying to turn my head back to Philippians 4 -- Be anxious about nothing but in everything by prayer with thanksgiving present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I am also thinking incessantly about the movie we watched last night, Precious. So glad it isn't a true story or even based on a true story. Still I know there are many people living in horrible poverty and ignorance experiencing neglect and abuse on a constant basis. I know that I am so so blessed with my family and my education and my husband and children and friends and home and Brad's job and work ethic and kindness. Our salvation in Christ. Being able to read, for goodness sake. Good food on our table at every meal. And on and on and on.
Tonight I bought a seriously cool mid-century desk off craigslist. My sister drove far away to retrieve it for me. When she returned late tonight, it was also seriously 2/3 bigger than I expected. The dimensions were listed on the ad. I did not check them out. That is the kind of thinking and decision-making I am doing lately. The desk is now sitting at the bottom of our stairs blocking the kitchen, the living room, the guest room, and the bathroom. It won't fit into our guest room -- which I am attempting to transform into a homier space to become Brad's and my bedroom. I thought the desk would be perfect for a sewing and drawing space for me in our room. I have always loved work spaces in my bedroom so...I found this beautiful desk. It is just way too big. On a better note. The blinds I bought and installed for the room look wonderful -- and Brad loves them (which is also my goal for the room). Anyway, so there's this giant desk at the bottom of our stairs.
I have also made a list of the 13 pieces of furniture I would like to move around our house from upstairs to downstairs to the basement and all variations thereon. Also I am 5 months pregnant and only one person. I wish I could just do this all myself and amaze Brad with the end results. Amaze him so much that he feels like crying for joy at how pleasing, interesting, spatially efficient it all is. And I get the birthday cookies cooked and pinata candy acquired in time for Atticus' party on Sunday and pick up my thyroid refill at the pharmacy and take the boys to the park in the morning and get that letter written to my great-aunt and overseed the lawn and make that insurance call for Atticus in the morning and do it all with a "gentle and quiet spirit" and great joy at the fun of all this management and full-relationships and potential and lavish excess of industry -- I mean, seriously, who loves organizing and logistics and planning and plain old hard work more than Sarah Johannsen. And here I am preparing for my daughter (!?!?!!!) a few days into one of my dear friends welcoming their new son into the world (who I have already been able to visit twice and held for a long time) and get to celebrate my exuberant Atticus' 4th birthday and my folks are coming to visit for a couple days!!! and tomorrow is Friday which means I'm that much closer to two whole days with Brad!! and it is spring with all of summer still ahead of us -- parks and walks outside and hopefully some family camping trips and visit with our families and a new garden and a cheerful red geranium on the front steps and and and...
I wish I could think more clearly, be less confused, make better decisions as I take on these last few months of preparing, "nesting"...But it will be okay. Especially if I can get to sleep soon.
So after 25 faithful years, Mom's Viking sewing machine died. This week my dad bought her a lovely Bernina. Congratulations to my mother -- may you grow to know her as a friend and co-worker in your many creative endeavors!
After waiting over a week after this little guy's due date and Joe, his daddy, spending half a day celebrating Brad's birthday (frisbee golf, Mexican food, batting cages, laser tag!), Anne & Joe had their baby early yesterday morning -- a boy!
William Edmund Golliher!
So Tuesday night, Leah, Anne & I drove to Hopkins to see Over the Rhine. All three of us are pregnant and Anne was 3 days overdue. It was a small kind of funny venue to see OTR so Linford Detweiler and Karin Berquist stayed afterwards to talk with everyone. I was happy to hear half a dozen of the new songs they are recording in a few weeks. They formed as a band in 1989 and I've been listening to them since 1992 (beginning of college) so it was fun to get a picture with them and my daughter before she's even born (-:
By Guest Blogger Bradley Johannsen
Who is it circles round you?
Do you circle round who it is circles round you?
I am in love with my wife. I know what it is like to relentlessly circle someone, to obsess and fawn and be joyful. My joy is increased tenfold by her simultaneous circling of me with the same fervor.
The ghost around the one it haunts
The want around the thing it wants
The way the mind just wanders off and then returns to the thought around the second thought
Love or gravity or law -
Whatever name it's got it's got me circling round you.
Josh Ritter has a new album - So Runs the World Away - and his song "Orbital" (quoted here throughout) captures this aspect of our marriage. The inlay which accompanies the CD includes next to this song's lyrics a sketch of an atom. That's how it feels, like we are electrons dancing around each other - now a particle beam, now a waveform, now a spherical nano-charge. Separate yet co-dependent. That's electricity, folks. That's light and energy and e=mc^2. That's a good life.
The hawk around the field mouse
The love around a lover's mouth
I find my mind is settling down in circuits around you.
The angels round their crowded pins
The amber-waved electrons spin
In planetary transits round the ones they're bound to.
Thank God we have a Nucleus around which to spin, a kind and mysterious creator who attracts us and gives us meaning and brings us close to bask in his infinite-ness without swallowing up our individuality. If there is anything more difficult to comprehend than spinning electrons and Einstein's theory of relativity it would be God's giving grace and life to these dry bones. Difficult to comprehend, yes, but the fact of it remains.
Ritter is a romantic, poet, and kick-ass folk-pop songwriter. Sarah and I are music junkies, and he has been at or near the top of our "favorites list" for three years now. So Runs the World Away does not disappoint. It is a strong album, with recurring themes of a ship at sea and searching for a home. Ritter recently married fellow singer Dawn Landes, and this album catches something of a newlywed summer - walking through lush gardens as they burst forth with berries, thunderstorms gathering too quick to reach cover. It is rejuvenating to relive those times through the songs of such a gifted artist, and to be thankful that I have a home. I need a home.
The wheel, time
The wheel, fate
The light that bends itself through space
The light that with it carries time
Which also bends in the same line
Relative to a point of view
So when I catch a glimpse of you
Every time you come around
The room lights up
And time slows too.
"Orbital" (new song): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTGzu5OKf0E
"Rattling Locks" (new song): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MTQNmFj8Yw
"Lark" (new song): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNmqpjkeM_0
"The Temptation of Adam" (old song): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvCeCVmJAUA&feature=related
"Mind's Eye" (old song): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOx_DrxHVHI
On Monday morning, April 26th, NPR will be streaming the entire album on its website. Go to www.npr.org/music to hear!
So I've been enjoying two new albums out this past month: Josh Ritter's So Runs the World Away and Jakob Dylan's Women and Country. Maybe I should have Brad write up a good review on them -- I like the way he explains music.