Oh dear. It's one in the morning and I haven't been able to fall asleep -- mind wildly racing around trying to sort through moving furniture to fit all of us into our house in the most efficient and lovely manner. Made categorized list of all the things I need and want and dream of doing before our little daughter arrives at the beginning of September. Four months. Not much time really. And then all of it done while physically unable to do as much as I normally can and wanting very very much to love and care for my husband and children and other relationships while getting all of it done.
I keep trying to turn my head back to Philippians 4 -- Be anxious about nothing but in everything by prayer with thanksgiving present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I am also thinking incessantly about the movie we watched last night, Precious. So glad it isn't a true story or even based on a true story. Still I know there are many people living in horrible poverty and ignorance experiencing neglect and abuse on a constant basis. I know that I am so so blessed with my family and my education and my husband and children and friends and home and Brad's job and work ethic and kindness. Our salvation in Christ. Being able to read, for goodness sake. Good food on our table at every meal. And on and on and on.
Tonight I bought a seriously cool mid-century desk off craigslist. My sister drove far away to retrieve it for me. When she returned late tonight, it was also seriously 2/3 bigger than I expected. The dimensions were listed on the ad. I did not check them out. That is the kind of thinking and decision-making I am doing lately. The desk is now sitting at the bottom of our stairs blocking the kitchen, the living room, the guest room, and the bathroom. It won't fit into our guest room -- which I am attempting to transform into a homier space to become Brad's and my bedroom. I thought the desk would be perfect for a sewing and drawing space for me in our room. I have always loved work spaces in my bedroom so...I found this beautiful desk. It is just way too big. On a better note. The blinds I bought and installed for the room look wonderful -- and Brad loves them (which is also my goal for the room). Anyway, so there's this giant desk at the bottom of our stairs.
I have also made a list of the 13 pieces of furniture I would like to move around our house from upstairs to downstairs to the basement and all variations thereon. Also I am 5 months pregnant and only one person. I wish I could just do this all myself and amaze Brad with the end results. Amaze him so much that he feels like crying for joy at how pleasing, interesting, spatially efficient it all is. And I get the birthday cookies cooked and pinata candy acquired in time for Atticus' party on Sunday and pick up my thyroid refill at the pharmacy and take the boys to the park in the morning and get that letter written to my great-aunt and overseed the lawn and make that insurance call for Atticus in the morning and do it all with a "gentle and quiet spirit" and great joy at the fun of all this management and full-relationships and potential and lavish excess of industry -- I mean, seriously, who loves organizing and logistics and planning and plain old hard work more than Sarah Johannsen. And here I am preparing for my daughter (!?!?!!!) a few days into one of my dear friends welcoming their new son into the world (who I have already been able to visit twice and held for a long time) and get to celebrate my exuberant Atticus' 4th birthday and my folks are coming to visit for a couple days!!! and tomorrow is Friday which means I'm that much closer to two whole days with Brad!! and it is spring with all of summer still ahead of us -- parks and walks outside and hopefully some family camping trips and visit with our families and a new garden and a cheerful red geranium on the front steps and and and...
I wish I could think more clearly, be less confused, make better decisions as I take on these last few months of preparing, "nesting"...But it will be okay. Especially if I can get to sleep soon.
1 comment:
Late Nights are conducive to such ramblings. I enjoyed every word!
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