Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Needed More Sleep
Dietrich was sent up to his bedroom until he could get emotional control and join us again. I kept checking on him to see if he was ready and he would growl at me "No!" so I let him be. A few minutes later I checked again and found him like this.
Carrying my Daughter at the Park
So it seems to be the thing to post pictures of oneself pregnant -- so here I am about 5 1/2 months pregnant with our daughter. Will try to get a more recent one soon.
More from Atticus' 4th Birthday
My sister took some great photos of Atticus on his 4th Birthday back at the beginning of May -- Love! how much they capture his personality and spirit.
Rock'n'Roll with a Lot of Words
Brad recently found this interview with Josh Ritter, our man the musician, which made me respect this intelligent and creative lyricist even more. It embedded strangely from the Big Think site so just click on the text below to get the actual interview.Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Love on the Skids
I read these two blog-entries from Nancy Wilson's blog "Femina" this week. They've been challenging and encouraging me in the focus and direction of my mothering. I want to share them here even though they are "only text" and kind of long. Sorry -- but they are important to me right now. The first one is from Nancy Wilson herself and the second from her daughter Bekah who has 5 kids roughly aged between fifth grade and kindergarten.
Love Metabolism
by Nancy Wilson
All our children need our love and attention; that’s a given. But some children seem to have a greater need. You give them lots of attention and love and it seems to last five minutes before they need more. They need reassurance, encouragement, understanding, correction, praise, and plenty of hugs sprinkled in. My husband described this the other day in such a helpful way, I thought I would pass it on to you.
Just like adults have different metabolisms, kids seem to have different love metabolisms. Some adults can eat vast amounts of food, and they burn off the calories as fast as they eat them, never gaining a pound. Others can just walk past a picture of a doughnut, and they gain two pounds. In the same way, some kids can get a hug from Mom, and that holds them for the morning while they run out to play in the backyard quite happily. But little sister may need a hug every twenty minutes because she has already burned off the last one. So it just doesn’t work to hand out the affection equally, everyone getting a fair share.
Unfortunately, the ones who have the biggest needs (with the limitless tanks) can become the most demanding, which can make them the least lovable. And if Mom doesn’t just pour on the love anyway, it will only get worse. Many of the bad habits or bad behavior that little kids develop are the result of insecurity and neediness. If parents would determine to pour on the loving, they may be surprised to see some of the bad behavior or bad attitudes disappear. Kids’ needs fluctuate as they grow, so their tank size may change just when you thought you had it figured out.
So parents need to ladle in on thick, or dump it on with a snow shovel, or pour it on with a fire hose. Whatever suits you. And just like food nourishes the body, love and attention nourishes their little souls. And fat souls are what we want.
Steering into the Skid
by Bekah Merkle
If I could just chime in here for a second . . . (hope you don’t mind Mom!) . . . I had a thought regarding a few of the comments on the last post.I think there’s a difference between “responding” and “initiating” that is critical here. If you find yourself perpetually having to respond to your child’s pleas for affection (in whatever form those pleas take – whether it be fussiness, or outrageous behavior, or annoying clinginess, or whatever) then it means you need to really step it up and try and get ahead of the game. It means that you need to start initiating the hugs and affection FIRST – before the child realizes he needs it. That’s frequently quite a challenge, trying to beat them to the punch! However, if you’re the one initiating, that means you’re filling up their little tanks and you don’t have to worry about whether or not you’re reinforcing bad behavior when you do so. And, quite honestly, if you make a concerted effort on that front, you may be very surprised to see what other “discipline problems” clear up on their own. Think of your hugs as pre-emptive strikes, rather
than as responses to manipulation.
My husband compares this phenomenon to steering into the skid when your car starts to slide on the snow. Your first impulse is to yank the steering wheel the other direction (“No you may NOT sit on my lap because you’re being whiny and that’s a sin and God hates it.”) You frequently feel like that should fix the problem – but in fact it just takes the skid to a whole new level of out-of-control-ness. It often feels counter-intuitive, but you need to make yourself steer into the slide and get ahead of it. Often that takes FAR more patience, grace, self denial, and self control than it does to insist on having your standards upheld.The tricky part is that when a child is being all needy, the form it takes usually is one that tends to rub all your fur the wrong way. You don’t want to give the love, because they’re not being cute; they’re being unlovely. But remember to stoop for these little people. Give out the hugs when you don’t feel like it. Give out the hugs when the children are not acting very huggable. (Golden rule here: how do you want your husband to treat you when you’re being all needy and frazzled and generally un-cute?)
Love Metabolism
by Nancy Wilson
All our children need our love and attention; that’s a given. But some children seem to have a greater need. You give them lots of attention and love and it seems to last five minutes before they need more. They need reassurance, encouragement, understanding, correction, praise, and plenty of hugs sprinkled in. My husband described this the other day in such a helpful way, I thought I would pass it on to you.
Just like adults have different metabolisms, kids seem to have different love metabolisms. Some adults can eat vast amounts of food, and they burn off the calories as fast as they eat them, never gaining a pound. Others can just walk past a picture of a doughnut, and they gain two pounds. In the same way, some kids can get a hug from Mom, and that holds them for the morning while they run out to play in the backyard quite happily. But little sister may need a hug every twenty minutes because she has already burned off the last one. So it just doesn’t work to hand out the affection equally, everyone getting a fair share.
Unfortunately, the ones who have the biggest needs (with the limitless tanks) can become the most demanding, which can make them the least lovable. And if Mom doesn’t just pour on the love anyway, it will only get worse. Many of the bad habits or bad behavior that little kids develop are the result of insecurity and neediness. If parents would determine to pour on the loving, they may be surprised to see some of the bad behavior or bad attitudes disappear. Kids’ needs fluctuate as they grow, so their tank size may change just when you thought you had it figured out.
So parents need to ladle in on thick, or dump it on with a snow shovel, or pour it on with a fire hose. Whatever suits you. And just like food nourishes the body, love and attention nourishes their little souls. And fat souls are what we want.
Steering into the Skid
by Bekah Merkle
If I could just chime in here for a second . . . (hope you don’t mind Mom!) . . . I had a thought regarding a few of the comments on the last post.I think there’s a difference between “responding” and “initiating” that is critical here. If you find yourself perpetually having to respond to your child’s pleas for affection (in whatever form those pleas take – whether it be fussiness, or outrageous behavior, or annoying clinginess, or whatever) then it means you need to really step it up and try and get ahead of the game. It means that you need to start initiating the hugs and affection FIRST – before the child realizes he needs it. That’s frequently quite a challenge, trying to beat them to the punch! However, if you’re the one initiating, that means you’re filling up their little tanks and you don’t have to worry about whether or not you’re reinforcing bad behavior when you do so. And, quite honestly, if you make a concerted effort on that front, you may be very surprised to see what other “discipline problems” clear up on their own. Think of your hugs as pre-emptive strikes, rather
than as responses to manipulation.
My husband compares this phenomenon to steering into the skid when your car starts to slide on the snow. Your first impulse is to yank the steering wheel the other direction (“No you may NOT sit on my lap because you’re being whiny and that’s a sin and God hates it.”) You frequently feel like that should fix the problem – but in fact it just takes the skid to a whole new level of out-of-control-ness. It often feels counter-intuitive, but you need to make yourself steer into the slide and get ahead of it. Often that takes FAR more patience, grace, self denial, and self control than it does to insist on having your standards upheld.The tricky part is that when a child is being all needy, the form it takes usually is one that tends to rub all your fur the wrong way. You don’t want to give the love, because they’re not being cute; they’re being unlovely. But remember to stoop for these little people. Give out the hugs when you don’t feel like it. Give out the hugs when the children are not acting very huggable. (Golden rule here: how do you want your husband to treat you when you’re being all needy and frazzled and generally un-cute?)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Goofball Graduate
Tomorrow is my silly, affectionate, curious, enthusiastic 4-year-old's last day of preschool for the school year. Love you, Atticus!!!!!
Ohorilkos Visit!
Brad's sister Kara & brother-in-law Brian with their two kids, Max & Ivy came up from Des Moines for a few-hour visit Saturday night. They weren't able to make Atticus' birthday party so this was kind of for him, but really a gift for our whole family! We all ate outside at the new patio "venue" and then let the kids stay up way too late playing together. 
Not sure why the serious faces but I didn't get a good photo of baby Ivy...so here's her place in the (setting) sun (-:
Playing football -- Atticus sense Max needs some space -- so he tries to help out. Dietrich is a tenacious little punk.
Dietrich's mad batting skills
Max mows the lawn for us -- very thoughtful.Inexplicable
So this series of pictures was taken right before one of the most horrible endings to my stay-at-home mothering career. Yes, this was one of the truly unspeakably awful failures of mothering and mental health one would ever have opportunity to witness. And yet, despite the layers of building frustration and doom, I was able to keep it together enough that this is the kind of wonderfully joyous episode these poor kids experienced right before Evil Mom detonated into their feral little existences. Inexplicable -- maybe to all but those who have or can remember having this many children this young, this close in age at the end of "One-of-Those-Days" at the end of "One-of-Those-Weeks" while under the evil enchantment of a previous night of very little sleep and a kick-your-butt sinus cold. I am in awe and unable to absorb how insanely wonderful it is that God forgives me of such hellish behavior and that my children forgive me too.
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