Inexplicable

So this series of pictures was taken right before one of the most horrible endings to my stay-at-home mothering career. Yes, this was one of the truly unspeakably awful failures of mothering and mental health one would ever have opportunity to witness. And yet, despite the layers of building frustration and doom, I was able to keep it together enough that this is the kind of wonderfully joyous episode these poor kids experienced right before Evil Mom detonated into their feral little existences. Inexplicable -- maybe to all but those who have or can remember having this many children this young, this close in age at the end of "One-of-Those-Days" at the end of "One-of-Those-Weeks" while under the evil enchantment of a previous night of very little sleep and a kick-your-butt sinus cold. I am in awe and unable to absorb how insanely wonderful it is that God forgives me of such hellish behavior and that my children forgive me too.

Al Fresco Dining & Tending One's Garden

For Mother's Day, Brad took us out for breakfast and then surprised me by taking us to Ikea and telling me to pick out a patio dining set!! Hurray! This table folds out to 9' and is exactly the style I was looking for on craigslist but brand-new and much prettier than the ones I could find. And Brad thought we needed a love-seat bench for watching the kids play and for sitting out in the back yard on late summer nights -- isn't that so sweet!!

Blank Northeast corner of our yard with the leftover topsoil and compost from our front stepped beds project.
AND for my birthday gift from March with a few weeks of work Brad built me the raised container garden I had designed about two years ago. It is made of cedar and has a low bed for the kids to try gardening and later for flowers.

Strange husband and sister attempting to move box into backyard...didn't work so well.

My awesomely resourceful Dad moved in by himself with logs off of our wood pile. He didn't farm for 25 years by himself without learning some tricks about moving large, heavy objects. Then he proceeded to level the entire box with a couple bags of sandbox sand we had in our garage. AND he and Dietrich filled the thing with the leftover topsoil/compost pile. In less than a day.

And before bedtime that evening my dad took me to the local nursery to buys me plants and seeds to start the garden. We would have planted it but we were rained out. The plants and seeds were my birthday gift from my mom and dad.

Another reason I love my dad -- He left me with a detailed/labeled diagram of the best way to plant the box for the plants/seeds I had chosen. I love diagrams. Atticus & I planted it a few days ago -- but it doesn't look like a garden per se yet, so I will take a picture later in the season.

My mom spent a lot of time reading to the boys and playing with them. And she did all the dishes while they were here. And delighted in a trip to one of my favorite fabric stores over in St.Paul (Treadle Yard Goods) . And spent some quality time with my sister too.

Why are these the kind of family pictures I always get from these visits -- aargh!

Atticus Celebrates His 4th Birthday!

So on May 9th, Atticus turned 4! He was born just a few days before Mother's Day and so sweet was the celebrating. This year we bought Atticus his first real bike. The "opening" of it plays out below:

I wish this was his reaction now -- but sadly he has decided that since he does not know how to ride it, he wants nothing to do with it. We backed off and let it decorate our back yard. He'll get there eventually (in fact, he actually does know how to pedal a bike like this -- because he has pedaled his friend Gigi's, but he has inconveniently forgotten this). Ah well.

Atticus was pretty enthusiastic about all his gifts...this one was from a friend from school who was unable to come to his party.

His bike helmet from Grandma Nancy & Grandpa Tom

Silly Lincoln...

Late Sunday afternoon of his birthday we had a small party over at McRae Park. The Millers, Nixes (from church), Bekah, and my folks (drove up from Potosi) joined us. Here is the absolutely horrible and fantastic pinata from the Mexican grocery store. Brad and Atticus picked it out themselves (-:

Dietrich

Isaac Miller

Peter Nix

Calvin Miller

Lincoln

Then with a big hoe handle

Bekah tries her hand...

That did it...

Eric Miller took the hats off the pinata and spread the festivity.
My mother.

My father.

Thanks for celebrating with Atticus!

Leah!

Leah & Eric had a dress-up costume-ish theme party to go to and Leah, my awesome, creative, fun friend, dressed like this. I love Leah. I had to get her picture on the couch my sister Bekah has stored in our front room. It fits so well.

Late Night Ramblings...

Oh dear. It's one in the morning and I haven't been able to fall asleep -- mind wildly racing around trying to sort through moving furniture to fit all of us into our house in the most efficient and lovely manner. Made categorized list of all the things I need and want and dream of doing before our little daughter arrives at the beginning of September. Four months. Not much time really. And then all of it done while physically unable to do as much as I normally can and wanting very very much to love and care for my husband and children and other relationships while getting all of it done.

I keep trying to turn my head back to Philippians 4 -- Be anxious about nothing but in everything by prayer with thanksgiving present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I am also thinking incessantly about the movie we watched last night, Precious. So glad it isn't a true story or even based on a true story. Still I know there are many people living in horrible poverty and ignorance experiencing neglect and abuse on a constant basis. I know that I am so so blessed with my family and my education and my husband and children and friends and home and Brad's job and work ethic and kindness. Our salvation in Christ. Being able to read, for goodness sake. Good food on our table at every meal. And on and on and on.

Tonight I bought a seriously cool mid-century desk off craigslist. My sister drove far away to retrieve it for me. When she returned late tonight, it was also seriously 2/3 bigger than I expected. The dimensions were listed on the ad. I did not check them out. That is the kind of thinking and decision-making I am doing lately. The desk is now sitting at the bottom of our stairs blocking the kitchen, the living room, the guest room, and the bathroom. It won't fit into our guest room -- which I am attempting to transform into a homier space to become Brad's and my bedroom. I thought the desk would be perfect for a sewing and drawing space for me in our room. I have always loved work spaces in my bedroom so...I found this beautiful desk. It is just way too big. On a better note. The blinds I bought and installed for the room look wonderful -- and Brad loves them (which is also my goal for the room). Anyway, so there's this giant desk at the bottom of our stairs.

I have also made a list of the 13 pieces of furniture I would like to move around our house from upstairs to downstairs to the basement and all variations thereon. Also I am 5 months pregnant and only one person. I wish I could just do this all myself and amaze Brad with the end results. Amaze him so much that he feels like crying for joy at how pleasing, interesting, spatially efficient it all is. And I get the birthday cookies cooked and pinata candy acquired in time for Atticus' party on Sunday and pick up my thyroid refill at the pharmacy and take the boys to the park in the morning and get that letter written to my great-aunt and overseed the lawn and make that insurance call for Atticus in the morning and do it all with a "gentle and quiet spirit" and great joy at the fun of all this management and full-relationships and potential and lavish excess of industry -- I mean, seriously, who loves organizing and logistics and planning and plain old hard work more than Sarah Johannsen. And here I am preparing for my daughter (!?!?!!!) a few days into one of my dear friends welcoming their new son into the world (who I have already been able to visit twice and held for a long time) and get to celebrate my exuberant Atticus' 4th birthday and my folks are coming to visit for a couple days!!! and tomorrow is Friday which means I'm that much closer to two whole days with Brad!! and it is spring with all of summer still ahead of us -- parks and walks outside and hopefully some family camping trips and visit with our families and a new garden and a cheerful red geranium on the front steps and and and...

I wish I could think more clearly, be less confused, make better decisions as I take on these last few months of preparing, "nesting"...But it will be okay. Especially if I can get to sleep soon.

Mom's New Baby

So after 25 faithful years, Mom's Viking sewing machine died. This week my dad bought her a lovely Bernina. Congratulations to my mother -- may you grow to know her as a friend and co-worker in your many creative endeavors!

Hurray for the Gollihers! Hurray for Little William!

After waiting over a week after this little guy's due date and Joe, his daddy, spending half a day celebrating Brad's birthday (frisbee golf, Mexican food, batting cages, laser tag!),

Anne & Joe had their baby early yesterday morning -- a boy!

William Edmund Golliher!