Broken...

This happened a few weeks ago. Dietrich and Lincoln did this. I was upstairs putting Thea Belle down for a nap. I can't remember what Atticus was doing. I do remember that I was sick with sadness and frustration (i.e. plain old vanilla "anger"). Now I see that it was part of God's plan to build the levels of chaos to such heights and depths that I was unable to endure it any longer. I finally imploded. But instead of ending up in a psych ward or becoming a runaway wife/mother, God miraculously brought everything He has been trying to teach me, work in me for the last 37 years all together into this cumulative catalytic point and I finally feel a kind of peace that I have longed for, sought for a very long time. Not that numb kind of apathy that sometimes takes over when you just can't stand things any more. Not a hopeless sort of anger. A glorious throne on high from the beginning is the place of my sanctuary. -- one of my favorite verses (it's Jeremiah 17:12) and one of my favorite sermons of all time (from G.Campbell Morgan). This is all good. The chaos is part of the story. And I don't know what God has planned for my children. And I don't exactly know if I am doing this right -- parenting, wife-ing, keeping a home, loving the other people in my life -- but I am working diligently and with all my might asking for wisdom to do this well. God is faithful. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 Not sure what the harvest will be, but I will rest in God's kingship, His wisdom, His goodness. 

 

And...it's just a plant and some dirt...