Ah-er-gh-[breathe in]

All three of the boys are asleep for naps. That was not the plan exactly -- Atticus usually only takes one or two naps each week, but he fell asleep while I was reading Blueberries for Sal. I was so angry at the two older boys before naps -- Atticus has just been egging Dietrich on all day. I know Dietrich is too sensitive and needs to learn a better way to avoid conflict and find resolutions. But Atticus needs to value being a peacemaker and not take advantage of Dietrich's hothouse-flower personality. Besides that, I came down from putting Lincoln down for his nap where I was interrupted about 7 times (meaning Lincoln was woken up at least twice as many times as that), to find Dietrich covered in red FABRIC paint -- from his face down his shirt, jeans to his feet. FABRIC paint. And the paint was all over my "new" vintage crafting desk. Despite this, my reaction to this mayhem was terrible. I was furious. Furious at the mess. Furious at having my quiet time with Lincoln stolen away. Furious at Dietrich and Atticus' constant conflict and inconsiderate attitude towards each other. Furious. Furious. Righteously so -- yet unrighteously out of control and exhibited. So sin was just flying around poisoning everything. Argh. So we lay down on the bed to read stories and now they are both sweetly asleep. And quiet music plays. And my coffee is hot again in front of me. And I am sad that we ever have to have such scenes. That I can't supernaturally maintain peace and gladness and order in my home. That I can't just get all this room-switching and baby-preparation and daily-maintenance done peacefully and "in-stride" all the while cheerfully reading the kids books, planning play-dates, preparing meals, and providing stimulating and fun crafts and activities. Bleh. I need to stop writing and read my Bible for awhile...and pray. Please let me not ruin the quick, beautiful, messy NOW because it is so crazy and disorderly and impossible. I almost want to wake all the children up and hug them. Almost. But it is so quiet. I need to think for a couple minutes.